My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
