my vag is so smooth its legendary
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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