i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
