Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
