The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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