So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
