Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
