he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
