just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
