Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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