dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The air was thick with penises
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
