i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
