I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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