I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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