You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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