If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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