i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
