Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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