so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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