i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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