No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
