Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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