do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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