I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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