U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
