did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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