you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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