Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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