her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
