***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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