Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
