Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
