We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
vagina is talking i cant
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
