So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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