I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
