when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
