Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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