just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
