no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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