Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
