The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
