some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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