Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Of course I have a pirate flag
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
