You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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