We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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