I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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