This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
