So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
please come you make the beer taste better
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
