I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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