Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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