i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
