I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
