fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
